We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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