Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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