i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
