i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
