im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
