he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
