now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
