the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
