I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
