I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
