I'm drive I can fine osifer
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Randomize
