is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
