chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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