I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
