How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
