who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
