I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
