there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
