this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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