Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Randomize
