maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
