i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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