he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
