So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
