I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
