I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
