Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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