its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
