Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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