Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
