Joe is yelling at the trees again.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
