so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
