If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
