is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
