I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
