if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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