So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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