We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
