Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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