That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
