pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
