My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
