you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Sorry my hands just texted you
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
