A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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