My first STD was from a foam party
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
