Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
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