Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
and eventually we just all took our pants off
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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