that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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