loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
now i know why i became what i already was.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
