I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
