Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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