Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Watching her eat just hurts me
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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